Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
