Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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