He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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