Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
