His pubic hair was longer than his dick
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
