i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just had sex bonerless
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
