she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize