I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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