Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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