brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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