Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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