I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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