no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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