i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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