Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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