Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
