wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
