He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
