I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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