I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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