I faked an abortion last night.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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