I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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