matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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