i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
