I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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