I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
