And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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