Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I wear drunk well.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
