Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
