The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
