I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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