My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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