There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
