I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
