Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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