This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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