I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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