Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
