just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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