So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize