: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
