Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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