You're my little dorito
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
