a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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