you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
