i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
That accounts for only three of the penises
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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