i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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