My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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