i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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