$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
