I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
