Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
