I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
