can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
