Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
