party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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