Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
