I wanna bring you to show and tell
so that wasnt chicken after all
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
