I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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