You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
