You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
