Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
