Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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