I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
