i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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