I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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