We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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